June 6, 2011

"Is my mommy dead?"

I guess you really don't know how much your kids know of something until they start asking questions.  Some things just aren't talked about that often.  Finding that right time, or that right way to talk about touchy subjects is a difficult thing to do. 

We were all on our way to a bar-b-que this weekend and I was talking to my nephew's friend about how she is half Native American like Miracle is.  It was a very interesting conversation as you wouldn't guess in a million years that she has anything other than Anglo-Saxon in her blood.  She just seems to tan easily.  That's the only giveaway and even then, you'd have to really notice it.

So... Miracle shoots me this question from the back seat, ever so randomly:

"Is my mommy dead?"

Well, of course, that threw me for a HUGE loop and I had to pause to figure out what to say.  Making a little light of it I said "no, I'm right here driving the car".  Silence.  Then I asked what she meant and if there was something she really wanted to know.  Silence.

We have always been honest and open around her about her adoption and have answered her very few questions over the past few years, but this one came from so far in left field!  I asked her if she meant her birthmom and she responded with a tiny reply of confirmation.

Of course, I don't know if the woman is alive or dead, incarcerated or not, living here or back on the reservation... or living in a van down by the river (thanks, Chris Farley!).  Sometimes I wish I did know, but with her history it would be nearly impossible to find her.  Even if I had a social security number, that would be one of about 50 they found that she had.  But, I digress!

One thing Miracle did ask me in the car that gave me a bit of a twang in my heart was that if it would be okay if she could see her.  I gave her the canned answer of "not right now", but if she wanted to when she was older she would definitely have my permission.  She then asked if I could be there with her.  Well, there went that heart twang again.  I told her that I would definitely be there with her if she wanted me to be.

I love that little girl of mine!!!

1 comment:

  1. You are her forever mommy. I admire you, Melissa. I really do.